Into the Unknown

OK so here goes. My first blog. A little bit nervous about posting my thoughts but like the title into the unknown I go.

So its been 3 months now since we got here to Thailand and so much has happened. From miscarriages to 30 hour train rides to near civil war and now finally to finding a house to settle into, to get down to the business we came here for "just being". I mean that was the idea a year away in Thailand with our 2 children ages 4 and 2 to learn just how to "be" with each other. What better way then in a Buddhist country to learn to "be". I look around at the kids here and they are just so calm. I see little kids 18months just sitting and hanging out with their parents calmly and I am amazed!! As laid back as my 2 year old is she has never just sat quietly with doing nothing but being. But then again I can't remember the last time I just sat back and just was. But slowly as we are here I begin to breath again and notice that my shoulders aren't as wound up as high to my ears anymore. They aren't completely relaxed but slowly slowly...

I've been learning to ride a motorbike, which I have to say is no easy task especially when you have 2 small children with you. But Aiko, my 4 year old, is amazing. She is always so encouraging and has helped me work through my fear of motorbikes. For some reason I have always had a fear of motorbikes. I think it comes from riding on snowmobiles as a kid and feeling so unsafe but in Thailand the motorbike rules and if you want to get around you have to learn to ride. So there we are, Aiko standing at the front, our little captain, me driving, Sami behind me and Monica, our amazing Au Pair at the back riding through the streets on Chiang Mai. Aiko stands there holding on to the rear view mirrors encouraging me "You can do it Mommy, don't be afraid, I believe in you." At first I really thought there was no way I could do this, it was too dangerous with me at the helm but Aiko was right it was all about Fear and if I couldn't move past this how could I show her how to move past her fears into freedom. Everyday I get more and more confident and praise myself for doing to well which helps me get better. In the past I would have critized myself for being so pathetic that I couldn't get it on the first time. This is the first step in "being" not criticizing but just experiencing and moving forward on this journey. I wonder where I would be without my kids. They are constantly a source of love and inspiration for me. Tonight as we came home on the bike, me taking the back seat, I held Sami, my 2 year old, as we watched the stars and moon from our moving motorbike and I thanked the heavens for this incredible opportunity to be here in Thailand with my family and this incredible time just to be.